Supporting a dying loved one is without a doubt one of the most life-changing experiences. Although no one is really ready to go through such an ordeal, most of us are likely to face it at one time or another. Here is some food for thought to guide you through this process and, in so doing, try to ease the imminent loss of someone you love.

Presence, gentleness and compassion

When someone is near the end of their life, no medication or treatment can help them anymore. Death is inevitable and, depending on the patient's condition, it may be a matter of days, weeks or sometimes even months. Therefore, palliative care in a hospital or hospice should be considered in order to provide some comfort to the ill person. Keep in mind that the caregivers at these facilities are there not only for the patient, but also for the care-giving family and friends, who can often feel a little helpless when faced with the situation. If you have any doubts or uncertainties, don't hesitate to ask them for their advice.

There are no ready-made phrases or actions that are more appropriate than others. What's important is to make sure that the person is well taken care of, right up to the end. To prevent burnout, it may be a good idea to organize a schedule for visits from the various family members. This will avoid leaving the person alone or having too many of them at the same time. During visits, try to maintain a calm and relaxed atmosphere. Limit the number of young children visiting and make sure they aren't too noisy. Bring back fond memories by taking along photo albums, family videos or any other memorabilia that may help to relax the atmosphere. Even if it's hard to see someone you love transformed by the disease, try to live in the moment each time you visit. If you are at a loss for words, holding hands, stroking hair or hugging the person are small gestures of affection that can bring you closer to your dying loved one.

Remain attentive to your own needs

In order to support a dying loved one, it is important to listen to yourself so that you don't become too tired and too depressed. A sick person can sometimes stay for several weeks in palliative care, which can quickly become exhausting if you are alone at his or her bedside. In any case, make sure you are well supported and don't hesitate to call on your family and friends. Allow yourself to express your feelings and give yourself the right to cry. This releases tension and is an integral part of the grieving process. Also be aware that most institutions offer support resources, such as a social worker, spiritual counselor or psychologist. All these professionals are there to assist you through this ordeal and will find the right words to comfort you. They will also be able to help you with legal issues or explain the various steps to follow. If you need a break, don't hesitate to take it. And even if your loved one dies in your absence, there is no point in feeling guilty, as a person's death is impossible to predict.

And after your loved one dies?

It is when your loved one passes away that you will discover the scope of the emotions that take hold of you. Even if they are difficult to accept, don't repress them, and accept them as they come. Take some time to collect your thoughts by the deceased's side for a final goodbye. If you need support, don't hesitate to call on a loved one or a helping resource. When you’re ready, the caregiving staff at the health care institution will guide you through the next steps (death certificate, communication with the funeral home, etc.). This is how the grieving process will begin and you will be able to go through the various stages of this process, slowly regaining a certain inner peace. At the Aeterna Complex, our entire staff will help you organize a funeral that reflects your loved one's image. At any time, you may contact us for more information on the services we offer. Don't remain alone with your grief; we are here for you.