Supporting someone who is grieving is an act of compassion that, although seemingly simple, is not always done in the right way. Avoiding awkwardness and respecting the other person's pain requires tact and, above all, sensitivity.

At Complexe funéraire Aeterna, we accompany families from all backgrounds and cultures every day as they celebrate the lives of their loved ones. We know how difficult it can be to find the right words when someone is grieving. That's why we offer some thoughtful guidelines for supporting a grieving person with empathy and respect.

 

Why words matter so much during grief

Grief is a time of great vulnerability. Emotions are running high, and what we say (or don't say) can have a lasting impact on the bereaved.

It's not about finding the “right words” in a technical sense but rather expressing sincere presence by listening and showing respect. In fact, a simple “I'm here for you” that comes from the heart can be more powerful than a long speech.

 

What to avoid saying to someone who is grieving

To support someone who is grieving, it is best to avoid saying:

• “They are better off where they are”: this can negate the grief of the bereaved person.
• “You have to be strong”: grief requires vulnerability, not performance.
• “I know how you feel”: besides the fact that every bereavement is unique, this focuses the conversation on yourself rather than on the person who needs support.
• “Everything happens for a reason” or “it was their time”: these phrases trivialize the real and intimate pain experienced by the person you want to help.

Even if they are well-intentioned, these phrases can minimize suffering or put emotional pressure on the person you are trying to help. It is better to simply acknowledge the other person's pain without trying to fix it.

 

What to say to someone who is grieving

To support someone who is grieving, it is best to say:

• “I think about you every day”: this expresses your support in a sensitive way and reminds them that you are there if they need you.
• “I don't know what to say, but I'm here”: sometimes showing your own vulnerability is the best way to connect with someone who is suffering.
• “I will always remember [name of the deceased]”: this emphasizes the love you shared for your loved one.
• “If you want to talk or just be quiet, I'm here”: this phrase lets the bereaved person know that they are supported and welcome, without feeling any pressure.

These simple phrases, said sincerely, show that you are there for them. There is no need to try to console them at all costs. Often, just being there, without judgment, is enough.

 

Adapting your condolences according to the relationship

We don't always have the same connection with the grieving people around us. The type of relationship will influence how we can offer our support in an appropriate way.

 

A family member or close friend

You can offer your presence without waiting to be asked: bring a meal, offer to babysit, or even accompany the person to certain appointments. Above all, be patient: everyone grieves at their own pace, and it is important to respect that.

 

An acquaintance, neighbor, or coworker

In this context, discretion is key. A card or a sincere note is often enough to express your support without intruding on the bereaved person's privacy. If they return to work, respect their silence or their need to talk, depending on what they express.

 

Adapting your condolences according to age

Grief affects people differently depending on their age. Supporting someone who is grieving therefore means adjusting our approach to suit their reality.

 

Helping a grieving adult

An adult who is grieving needs a safe space to express their emotions. Avoid formulas that are often meaningless. Instead, offer attentive listening without judgment.

 

Helping a grieving child

Children have a different understanding of death. It is essential to use clear and reassuring language, without lying or hiding the truth. Answer their questions honestly.

 

Beyond words: offering support with meaningful actions

While words can be comforting, concrete actions can also make a big difference.  

Here are a few examples:

• Bringing a meal or groceries.
• Helping with cleaning or other daily tasks.
• Suggesting a relaxing outing, such as a walk.
• Temporarily taking care of a child or pet.
• Offering help with administrative tasks.

These gestures show that you are truly there for them, even if they don't have the strength to ask for your help.

 

The Complexe Aeterna team is here to help

Complexe Aeterna welcomes you to a modern and comforting environment. Our multidisciplinary team, made up of individuals carefully selected for their expertise and compassion, is here to support you.

Make an appointment with us to discuss your needs in terms of funeral prearrangements, cremation, or to plan a personalized tribute that reflects the person you love.

 

FAQ (frequently asked questions)

 

What should you say to someone who is grieving?

Simple, sincere, and compassionate words such as “I'm here for you” or “I'm thinking of you” are often the most comforting.

 

What should you not say to someone who is grieving?

Avoid phrases such as “they are better off where they are” or “you have to be strong,” which can minimize the pain they are feeling.

 

How can you help a colleague who is grieving?

Be respectful, offer to listen discreetly, and tailor your support to their pace. Avoid imposing a discussion or unsolicited advice.

 

How can you support a child who is grieving?

Use simple language, reassure the child, and answer their questions calmly and transparently, without lying or hiding the truth.