We spend time with them every day, we go on vacation with them, they bring joy and comfort: pets are by their owners' side in happy moments as well as on gloomy days.
 
Since we build so many memories with them, it's only natural that their death causes their owners much grief. What can be done to ease the heartbreak of losing a faithful companion?

 

The stages of grief

First of all, it's good to remember that any grieving process—including mourning the loss of a pet—involves a number of stages and time is a precious ally in finding a way to smile again. Some stages may overlap and each person goes through them at his or her own pace.
 
At the beginning, you may go through a phase of denial, meaning that the departure of the pet seems unbelievable. It is difficult to absorb the shock and face the harsh reality by telling yourself that your pet isn’t really gone. To help with the grieving process, it is advisable not to leave your pet's personal items (blanket, toy, bowl, cage, etc.) in plain sight.
 
Afterwards, anger can take over the mind. We may blame fate, cry out for injustice, and harbour feelings of injustice and regret. The externalization of our thoughts can help alleviate these thoughts. Eventually, we come to understand that no one is responsible for the pet's death.
 
Anger then gives way to sadness and sometimes depression. The absence of the little companion is felt and we often feel the need to cry. This pain is quite legitimate and it’s important to give yourself the right to express it, either by talking or by writing in a personal journal. In time, good memories will take the place of grief.
 
The final step is to accept the pet's death, so that the intense pain fades as the days pass.

 

Telling children

Children under 5 years of age don't fully grasp the concept of death and have difficulty imagining its permanence. It is not until they are about 9 years old that they understand the full extent of it. Regardless of the child's age, it’s important to take the time to explain that death is part of the cycle of life and that it’s normal to feel grief.
 
It’s best to tell children about the death of a pet as soon as possible, but wait until they are ready to receive the news. In the case of a sudden death, children's questions can be answered by telling the truth, but avoiding disturbing details that aren't necessary. In the case of euthanasia, it can be explained that it was the best option to avoid the animal's suffering and that the animal won’t feel anything. Children can be present during the process, if they wish. In the days that follow, it’s still essential to maintain the routine that is so reassuring for children. They can be encouraged to write a letter or draw a picture if they feel like it.
 
It's normal for children to feel sad for six to eight weeks, which may include nightmares, loss of appetite, anger or sadness. These reactions are normal, but a psychologist or doctor may be consulted if these symptoms persist beyond this period of time.

 

A comforting farewell ritual

Some people feel the need to organize a memorial ceremony to recognize the contribution their pet has made to their life. This could be a letter read followed by the burial of the pet, or time spent with the pet at the veterinarian's office before euthanasia.
 
Here is a farewell prayer that can be recited at the time of the euthanasia of one's pet:
 
A PET’S PRAYER
 
If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this the last battle can’t be won
 You will be sad I understand
Don’t let your grief then stay your hand
 For this day more than the rest
Your love and friendship stand the test
We have had many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears
You’d not want me to suffer, so
When the time comes please let me go.
Take me where my needs they’ll tend
Only stay with me to the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will see
It is a kindness you do to me
Although my tail its last has waved
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don’t grieve it should be you
Who decides this thing to do
We’ve been so close we three these past four years
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.
Smile for we walked together for a little while.
 
– Anne Field

 

Grief support

If you need support to get through this difficult time, don't hesitate to seek the services of a professional by contacting the Ordre des psychologues du Québec.
 
And lastly, libraries and bookstores offer a number of books on pet bereavement that may bring you comfort or help you understand the pain of those affected.